Home Again [Gwen]

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

It was a victory. Even though her brother was doing just a wee bit of backpedaling, it did not matter. She had not even considered such a thing as being allowed to visit regularly. It was beyond her wildest dreams. Before today she'd never been to his place. Not since he first moved in. Before it was “off limits”. A “by invitation only” affair. No longer. Somehow everything she'd done in the last 20 minutes had set into motion the events that led to this. Oh, yes. There was a God and “she” was smiling on her with her favor! Supposedly bad things came in threes followed by good luck. Gwen never believed in what she'd renamed “Stuperstitions”, but she prided herself for being open minded. She would revisit her prior conclusions.

Gwen giggled. “You don't need to worry about entertaining me, Silly. I promised I would not be a nuisance. Just being free for a bit is all I require.” She said getting back to her feet and walking a circle around the recliner as she took in her surroundings. “I can be useful. Clean up a bit maybe.” She stopped, looking in the direction of his gourmet kitchen. >I'll prove it to him. I'll make it so he'll want to have me over.<

“ho memorizzato alcune delle ricette della nonna” (I've memorized some of grandmother's recipes) “I can cook for you... if you would like that.” >I'll be an asset. Indispensable. Then he'll have me over more often than not.< She said, solidifying her resolve. Then it hit her. He would think she was too good for manual labors that the staff usually performed. She was a Mattias, She cringed inside. What could she say to save herself.

“I really love cooking. But Mamma won't hear of it.” She said, turning to face him. “I do it for my friends... or used to. Since I switched schools I cant even do “that” any more.” She finished, not knowing what else to say. It was all the truth anyway. There was no shame in it to her.

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

Brown eyes raised themselves and watched as Gwendolyn started up and around. Ears took in what she said, but even as he understood what she was saying, Leonardo frowned a little. She was going to clean up a bit? For a brief moment, he wondered if this was actually just some elaborate scheme by his parents to get him to hire active maids. There was no way he would let Gwen clean up- it was much below her. Then again, it was much below him, yet he found himself doing it... That wasn't the point though. However, as she continued on even going so far as to offer cooking assistance, a different thought came to Leo's mind. She was trying to be useful; she was trying to make it to where he felt she was being somehow useful. Despite himself, Leonardo half smiled. That was...useful in a way. Stop it. Leon froze mid thought and mentally flinched in another moment.

Coinciding perfectly with this mental flinch, Leon caught the beginnings of Gwendolyn's next few statements. She enjoyed cooking, but their mother wouldn't approve of it. She'd done so before and for friends even. Again that thought that she was trying to be useful came back to him. However, now he found himself comparing her to his own servants. Leon mentally face/palmed. She was a Mattias and far from a common house servant. She was much better, and could probably do everything better- including coo-...Leon mentally smacked himself again. He meant better as in she didn't have to lower herself to such an occupation when there were others to do it. However, she had also said she enjoyed it and- damnit. Leon only then found the tendrils of thoughts that he had shredded to be actual shreds in his mind. Trying to piece it back together, Le searched for a conclusion to such thoughts. He found none, though.

"Nonna gode la cottura," (Grandmother enjoys cooking) he hummed after a moment trying to get all of his thoughts back in order. "Even with Mother's words, she still resolves to do things her way," he continued on not even realizing his transition from Italian to English. It was their grandmother on their mother's side that both spoke of, their father's side having always been a mystery even to Leon. The older woman whose daughter had married now into 'wealth' wouldn't hear of servants or others taking care of her. Mitchel himself had even reasoned out that there was no reasoning with the woman which still astounded Leonardo to no end- his world still existing around the idea that his father's word was all but law. After a moment, Leon shook his head trying to draw back to the point of what he was saying. "I do not normally keep that many groceries here, but if you wish to cook... write up a list, and I will have someone get it," he stated suddenly surprising himself by his own words. Well, she had said she enjoyed cooking, and it wasn't like his kitchen was used much. Maybe the fact that their grandmother had been referenced had also bent him to Gwen's will or maybe it was just Gwen in general that truly had control of the situation. Leon didn't know, but somewhere in the back of his mind, it irked him just a little.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

By the time Gwendolyn turned around she'd missed most of the few outward clues of what was going through her brother's mind. His brown eyes looked into hers and she could swear he was somehow seeing into her very soul. >windows to the soul< She thought to herself. >The eyes are supposed to be the windows to a person's soul< She repeated the saying she'd heard or read somewhere before. Her mind, while photographic at times, was also curiously selective. She would remember some things in vivid detail, while others were just a snap shot out of a nameless movie, or a paragraph or phrase out of a book that she could never remember the name of later.

She looked into those eyes now and willed hers to somehow tell his soul to reveal his thoughts. Gwen almost jumped in surprise when he hummed his reply to her. It almost didn't make sense to Gwen at first. He wasn't speaking to her. He sounded like he was trying to rationalize her point of view. His second sentence puzzled her a bit further. He was speaking to her as if he was speaking to a third person. Or perhaps a second person or personality within himself?. She would find out in the future that she's almost hit on something important about her brother and the way his mind processed information. For now, it was one of those things that she was smart enough to pick up on, but not yet old enough to truly understand. Her mind made note of it and filled it away, so to speak, like some sort of computer. Something to go back to later, but not able to process at the moment.

He shook his head, which brought her back to the here and now as well. She would have been noticed starting if not for this action. His approval of her request and argument to justify her request had her renew her smile and give a little hop and giggle of excitement. She'd won again and she was glad. She hated using words like those that made it sound like she was in some sort of battle or war with her brother. It was not a war against him. It was a war against what she could only label as “conditioning” that was the way of things in the Mattias family. She fought against this “conditioning” herself. Not letting it take complete hold on her. She wanted to be able to keep doing what she was doing, which was to retain a level of control where she could turn it on and off as she chose to. It was the only way she had of understanding what made her family different than others.

“Yes, brother. Of course. I think perhaps It would be best if I declare what I require-” She paused wondering why she was suddenly being so formal. Yes, Leonardo preferred it, but Gwen herself only really used it at formal events. But, he preferred it. So she should continue. Yet, it wasn't really “her”. She mentally shook her head. “At the time. I could just text you before coming over. This way nothing goes to waste.” She finished, looking to blend the formal out with her normal way of speaking. Minus the valley girl stuff she used at school with her friends.

In the back of her mind she wondered how she would get back to the subject of their father and his ridiculous demands. Her family would find her missing soon and shortly after would be calling Leonardo to find if he knew of her whereabouts. Or maybe that driver told them. But either way she knew there would be a phone call sooner or later. She really needed to speak with Leonardo before going home.

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

Leonardo noticed the change in Gwen's speech, and like clock work his mind questioned and analyzed it. Through his own speech, Leon reflected what one could consider a preference for the refined speech he had been raised around. If questioned he would say that he did prefer such old speech and careful formalities. However, when it came down to it, it was not his preference but that of Mitchel's. Leon hard grown up around such careful word choice and knew it made the father he struggled to impress smile just a bit each and every time. Thus he compulsively spoke in that way, and over time his speech and preferences centered around this.

However, Gwen didn't show much favoritism towards such careful words elegant word plays, and Leonardo was aware of that. Thus the question came about why she was using them now. A part of him wondered if it was habitual. Another part was sure it was somehow intentional in a way that he just wasn't understanding. As she continued on, he focused on her words and nodded calmly to her thereafter. "that would be ideal," he concurred after a moment as his mind meanwhile tried to understand the transition back to such speech. For whatever reason, he couldn't leave it alone as his mind ticked by why she was using it-

-..Leon blinked as a thought came to him. She was using it to keep control of the situation. She was the director of it in that moment, and he had somehow let it slip away from him. Just why he had allowed this, Leon didn't know, but he would halt it any way he could thereafter. He'd take back the control somehow and stop acting more in the sidelines of his own thoughts as it seemed was somehow occurring as well. Just then, he remembered the fact that she had followed him home. Just then he remembered that she had said their father had wanted her to carry a gun. Just then he was reminded of the fact that she had gotten him to more or less invite her over more often.

Was this all some elaborate trick he had somehow managed to wander into? It seemed like it. Leon frowned. "Though," he began. "As of now, will you tell me why you rode to my loft in the trunk of a car?" he asked changing all the conversation right then and there. A more business-like expression set itself on Leonardo's features and he waited for some sort of answer whatever it was that would come.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

Her brother agreed with her, but something had changed. He hesitated and she could see him thinking. It was something she'd only just recently learned how to determine. Even though his expression and features remained neutral, she knew he was analyzing her. Knew she'd erred somehow. >No Leo. Fight it, damn you< she wanted to say to him. But it would only make things worse. She would then have to explain to him what she meant by that, and she would. She would tell him her theory and her fears. She would tell him everything he wanted to know, because she couldn't lie. She wouldn't. Not to him. And not to her father. She couldn't risk alienating either of them.

Her own expression changed from happy to neutral when he frowned. He asked his next question and her fears were confirmed. At least he didn't recant any of his earlier concessions, which she was grateful for. Not yet, anyway. His features changed to the familiar business-like one he wore before the incident. She sighed. Why was she so surprised? Gwendolyn knew he would become himself sooner or later. She was just hoping for later. Allot later. Like in forever later.

Gwen glancing around for a chair to pull up. Seeing none, within easy reach, she walked to Leo's recliner. She thought of sitting on the arm of the recliner, staring at it for a moment, but decided on the floor instead. She pushed a hand through her hair as she always did at times like this and brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She wrapped her arms around her legs and brought her gaze up to meet her brothers. The fun was over. It was time to get down to business.

“I don't know. I just... It was a split second decision. I went looking for you and you were leaving. I got to the door just in time to see the car about to leave.” She said honestly. She decided that she wouldn't think about what to say or how. It was best to just lay down all the cards and let him see the hand she'd been dealt. Maybe he would see her point of view. Maybe not. She couldn't risk him thinking she was being manipulative or she'd loose straight away.

“Daddy's scared, Le'. I've never seen him like this.” She looked away. “He doesn't show it physically. You know he would never do that. But he's not... well... making sense, you know? He wants me to have an active protection program. (bodyguards) And not just one. And he wants me to carry....” She shook her head not even wanting to picture the damn thing. “I'm twelve, Leo. About to start High School tomorrow.” She said, pausing as her mind played out her first day at school. Her eyes lost their focus. “How will I possibly survive there like that?.” She said out loud although it was not a question for him, but to herself.

“He's scared for me.” She spoke again after a moment. “Were they really after me?” Her eyes focused and she blinked. “I'm sorry.” She said, not totally sure what happened and why she zoned like that.

“Its what he wants if I insist on going to the public school here. I won't be home schooled, Leon. If I do that I'll loose myself.” She finished, waiting for his reply. She needed to know if he understood her so far. Its not like she prepared a speech. This was raw feed from her. Just whatever popped into her mind. Was she even making any sense?... Was she going about this all wrong? She groaned lighly, her features turning to something between confusion and frustration.

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

As Gwen walked over and sat down by his chair again, Leon leaned back in it again pressing his shoulder blades into the fabric despite the brief amount of pain it brought with it. He hadn't even really remembered his arm and shoulder up until that moment, but it came back to him now, and he sighed softly in response. He waited for her to say something though what exactly not even Leon knew. A part of him assumed that there really was no answer, yet another part of him reminded Leonardo that Gwen had said Father had been asserting the need to carry a weapon. Maybe she would start there or start somewhere else. He didn't know, but every second she didn't explain was a tick of the clock passed.

As she began to speak, Leonardo listened intently not only to her words but her tone of voice. Father was.. scared? Leon bit the inside of his mouth. Their father wasn't afraid of anything. He was a fearless leader and powerful man who ruled without worry or restraint. The thought that he was afraid in any form or fashion was absurd to Leonardo, yet the honesty in Gwendolyn's words made him worry. If it was true... no it couldn't possibly be true, could it? As Gwen looked away, Leon's eyes rose and addressed his white caked ceiling. As she explained further, a memory came back to Leonardo then and there. He remembered seeing the man in the clinic when he had been fixed up. He had said they would discuss the matter later. However, the matter had never been discussed. There was no explanation, and there was no word, and it was only now that Leonardo realized it. Why had his father not spoken to him about the incident thus far? Was he truly... scared? No. He refused it.

But what if the reason he hadn't talked to him yet was because he was afraid to see something... No. No no no no no. A Mattias would never act in that way. A Mattias was strong and controlled. He could do everything, and instead it came down to what he would be willing to do only. Then why had he not spoken yet when he had said that night that they would discuss it later? A brief part of Leon wanted to head home in that moment and confront Father right then and there. However, he wasn't going to. He would keep quiet until acknowledged and then be careful with his words and requests thereafter. That was the Mattias thing to do.

All these thoughts and resolutions came in a minute or less, but during it, Leon had been less focused on Gwendolyn's words. He had heard them, but it wasn't as deep a hearing as it could have been. He noted that Father had wanted her to have security and also wanted her to carry---? She had broken off, and Leon's mind finished the gap. He wanted her to cary the gun she had been speaking of.

As Gwendolyn stressed her age, Leonardo looked sideways and down towards her. She was twelve and about to start high school. The question that followed after that caused his throat to clench briefly though why, Leon didn't quite know. He was about to interject with something- say that she was a Mattias and that she would do fine or something. Yet something held him back in that moment, and she continued on explaining the situation. He stopped and ended up looking away.

The question that followed after that reverberated in Leonardo's mind. That was the question that he had been trying to ignore as of late. It was the question that he shoved in the darkness of his mind as he tried to keep control of the situation. A part of him was sure that there was an answer out there. However, the other part didn't want to know what it was. It could have been many reasons, yes indeed. It could have been a random shooter, but that was unlikely. It was more likely that because he had chosen his targets then and there that the man- the vampire knew exactly who he was aiming at. However then what did that mean? Which world of his did it link to? The honorable Mattias name or the world of lies and mindgames that he played with on the side?

Little did Leonardo realize just how deep those two worlds actually melded. If he had ever stopped to realize that Mitchel knew good and well what his son did in his free time and actually stopped to ask why he would allow it, Leon would be without an answer. It came from something deeper still- a secret that was guarded carefully but precariously, and any amount of force in the right direction could tip the scarlet ibis acting as the red herring. "Non lo so," (I do not know) he replied quietly after that. A moment of silence fell there as Gwendolyn zoned out and as Leon was left to his thoughts and his realizations that he didn't know. What was there to say? What was there to analyze?

As Gwendolyn talked, Leon began to fish out the phone from his pocket feeling it vibrate once telling him he had some sort of message or something. However as she spoke about home schooling, Leon froze briefly. "Lose?" he asked briefly reiterating what she had said in question. "What... do you mean?" he murmured after a moment before his hands slid on metal and began to press on the screen. Brown eyes dropped, but just as Leonardo was about to unlock the newest text, the signature ring tone of their father's went off- an almost mesmerizing version of the TMNT theme song. Leon froze for a moment his finger twitching as he debated whether or not to hit talk. Briefly brown eyes dropped, and Leonardo looked sideways towards Gwen.

After a moment, Leon raised the phone up and set it to his ear. "Padre, io sono in una riunione. Si prega di richiamare in trenta minuti," (Father, I am in a meeting. Please call back in thirty minutes.) Leon spoke aloud transitioning to Italian once again. As the words from the phone spilled out, Leon mentally sighed. He should have expected that there would be a call with Gwendolyn there. Following that, there was a rapid speech measure in Italian, followed by silence for a short time. The conversation was over Gwendolyn and could easily be understood to a certain degree. Yes, she was fine and with him. No there was no problem. He was sorry for not alerting anyone earlier. Why was she over there? Because they were having a meeting in private, Father. He would bring her back later. Yes they would get dinner before coming. Again, forgive him for not having let anyone know sooner. It cycled like that.

After a bit longer, Leon pulled the phone from his ear and ended the call that had already been ended by the other line. He was much paler then and there- as though he had been subjugated to some sort of new illness though it lasted for only a moment before he looked back towards Gwendolyn.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

Gwendolyn realized too late that she'd made yet another error. One did not just speak their mind at another Mattias. And definitely not Leonardo. As innocent as the statements she'd made were to herself, they would be unacceptable or even blasphemous to one such as her brother which looked at their father as a role model bordering hero and perhaps was perceived as perfection incarnate.

Their father was the mold that his children strived for or were expected to be shapped into. Even Gwen who fought the “conditioning” knew that as she approached adulthood she would have to fit that mold to survive as a Mattias. She was not so naive to think she could reject everything that was a Mattias. She just wanted a choice. Control. She didn't want to be hardwired like her brothers. Didn't want to be a computer who could only operate as her programing dictated. How was this wrong? Why couldn't anyone see things from her point of view?

Gwen jumped at the familiar sound of the TMNT theme song on Leonardo's phone. She paled going ghost white knowing it was her father calling. Her brother's sideways glance further unnerved her and her breath caught as she tried to make her vocal cords work. >I can't go home yet, Le'. We still need to talk< She thought, but no words vocalized. She just stared as her brother fished out his cell phone and answered it. That was it. No one interrupted her father or Leonardo for that matte while they talked to each other. No one. Not even Gwendolyn herself. She would have to wait until Leo finished the conversation.

Gwendolyn breathed a sigh of relief as the conversation unfolded. She realized that she was not going to get ushered out the door to her father. Her brother said all the right words that appeased her father. It was a gift he had that she admired. He was the only person she knew who could do that. She should have been happy but she wasn't. Leonardo was apologizing for something stupid she did yet again. She cringed every time he apologized to her father. It should be her on that phone. She's the one that should be facing her father for her mistakes. She should be the apologizing, No, Begging for forgiveness for running away. There was no sugar coating it. She was AWOL. Escaping while the getting was good. And her brother was dealing with the fallout.

>Young lady. Your behavior is unbecoming of a Mattias.< She could hear her father saying. Disappointment in his features. Her chest tightened. She slowly shifted her eyes to look at Leonardo. He'd hung up his phone She saw the look on his face just before he shifted his eyes to her. His glare crushing her like a submarine who dove well beyond its design limits. >I'm Sorry< She almost said. But the words would be hollow.
Gwen slid forward and turned around to sit with her back to the recliner. She leaned her back to the chair next to his legs and leaned her head to the side to rest on his knee.
“I've been nothing but trouble” She finally said.

Her mind dumped the last few minutes. She couldn't deal with that right now. She went back to his question. With no way to put her feelings into word, she sighed. She though out loud trying to work out an answer. She didn't know this at the time.

“One can't really lose oneself; unless you're a sleep, in a coma, mentally damaged, or dead. What they really mean is they feel dis-connected from how they think they should be. They have an internal notion of what and who they are, an ideal of themselves, that they felt they would loose if isolated. Generally people connect the notion of themselves with purpose and purpose is the first thing to go, therefore it follows that they were not themselves.” she said mechanically as if reading from a psychology text book.

“Losing one's self in is the loss of a good grasp of reality. The same thing happens in severe mania, but its different. In mania you can see how the patient belongs in an institution--they say things that bear no resemblance to reality. But in things like depression and suppression, the break with reality may be unapparent to the observer--until the patient does something catastrophic.” She finished diagnosing herself. Gwendolyn's speech returned to normal as she answered his question.
.
“I'll loose my mind, Le'. It means I can find no happiness in who I am...when that happens I wont know why I was happy with life.... I would have lost the reason... lost myself...” She took a breath. “I've worked too hard to end up being a nobody, Le'. If you only understood the burden I'm carrying. What about what I want? What about my dreams?” She asked. “I want to be me. Not what somebody else thinks I should be. Home Schooled? Really?....”

Gwen stopped. She was sure she'd said too much. She sighed. She'd find no help here. It was time to go home.

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

Leonardo shut his eyes only aware of Gwendolyn's movement by the sounds she made moving there and the pressure on his legs and knee after that. As she finally spoke, he opened one eye and looked at the back of her head not replying least some part of him decide to agree with her in that particular moment in time. He had just been more or less chewed out by their father for her, and some spite was running through his veins whether he would admit it or not. No, it was better to be silent in this case. It was better to be silent and calm until he could truly be calm.

As Gwen began to speak again, the subject had changed. Her words were crisp, cool, and refined in such a way that for a few moments, Leonardo wondered if she was reading them off some sort of device. However, when he opened his eyes fully, he found her just sitting there. As she went on, he shut his eyes mentally willing her to stop. A part of him didn't want to hear it though as to why exactly he had no idea. He just didn't want to hear it- didn't want to feel whatever it was that was reverberating in him from her words. He wanted her to stop talking all together- to draw silent. However, he made no order because there was no reasoning behind it. It was just a feeling, a compulsion he didn't understand.

The word suppression broke something in Leon. What exactly it was about the word he didn't know, but suddenly he felt as though he were being strangled. The last word too stood out to him. Catastrophic. The sudden image of the vampire in the restaurant came back to mind, and he had the fight the urge to growl somewhere deep in his throat. That didn't even relate at all, damn it. Leon's mind tried to put whatever it was that was cracking back together, but with each second passing, he found it harder and harder to do so. As she finished on a more personal note, Leon found his body tensing much tighter than before.

She would find no happiness in who she was? She was a Mattias. She was above everything. That should have made her happy. That should have made him happy. Something in Leo resounded and his heart clenched causing his shoulder muscles to flinch. She worked too hard to be a nobody? She was Mattias. That should have been enough. That should have been enough. Burden? What burden? What did she mean what did she want? What about her dreams? As a Mattias she could easily have those accomplished! Something clinched in Leon's chest again, and he flinched yet again. What about what he wanted? They were things he had crushed. Thoughts, questions, emotions, these were things he had crushed and prevented from exploring into his personality. They were not Mattias like. It was for the family, and one did anything he could for it- even if it meant using it in the process. No. This was wrong. She was questioning things that shouldn't be questioned- doing things that shouldn't be done.

Yet for some reason he couldn't work up a rage. He couldn't rebuttal the argument the way he should have been able to off the bat. Instead, silence reigned supreme for what seemed like forever then and there. After a long time, Leon finally opened his mouth. "Utilizzare le risorse a disposizione per fare tutto ciò che desiderate," (Utilize everything given to you in order to achieve your goals) he quoted a particular text of their father's rather easily. "Though he never gave us goals," he stated quietly. "Your goal is... to break off from the family? Or to thwart what has been given to you?" he asked after a moment much quieter than before.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

Feeling him tense, Gwen knew something she was saying was being reacted to. He'd asked what she meant and She had answered to the best of her ability. She couldn't put words to the swirling tempest that were her thoughts and feelings, so she psychoanalyzed herself and was surprised when she realized everything she was thinking was being said out loud. How could she not notice the difference between an inside voice and her outside voice, but the answer was obvious. She'd been shaken to her core by recent events. She was sure Leonardo was angry with her. How could he not be?. Wasn't she a total disappointment at this point? And then there was her father. She was sure she'd embarrassed him. She forced him to call Leonardo. And in doing so she'd forced her father to show weakness. He was master of his home and his family, but he'd lost track of his own daughter from right under his nose. She's managed to leave the mansion without notice. Mitchell would see that as a failure on his part. Gwen closed her eyes not wanting to think any more about him just now.

Fear slowly rose within her as the silence stretched from seconds into minutes. What could her brother be thinking? When Leonardo finally spoke he sounded just like Mitchell. Her father quoted that same phrase time and time again to her and she was sure to his son's before her. Why Leon said that now made no sense. Nothing was being given. Only taken away. Her freedom. Her childhood. Her individuality and right to choose would soon be gone if she was forced into home schooling. >No!.< She almost growled out loud. She would never allow it. She knew she would never agree to it. Ever. After mentioning it to her brother as part of her choices, she now didn't know why she'd done it. It wasn't a choice, no matter what her father threatened.

Leon's next phrase gave her pause. Gwen knew immediately who “he” was. No. Daddy never “gave” us goals. He demanded results. He had expectations and an image of what it was to be a Mattias. Not something to work towards. It was “Do” and no “Do Not. No “try”. The Mattias family, as small as it was, was very powerful. To be able to accomplish this, a Mattias had to be perfection. One had to be able to excel where all others might fail. One had to be a not a step ahead, but a dozen such steps ahead of ones rivals. One had to be smarter, stronger, and more cunning. One had to be Mitchel Mattias, or as close to the model of perfection as one could get. Mitchel who had carved out the legacy that was the Mattias family by shear force of will alone. That is what was expected, and Gwen knew this. She had it easy. She was a female, and because of this there were... concessions. Rules would be bent in her favor. Not for the males though. The end result was Leonardo. He was as close to her father's perfection as one could get. Except for the one thing. The one thing she wanted more than anything else that was her father. What she'd been fighting for to this very minute.

Gwendolyn mentally shook her head to clear her mind. She was zoning again. It was becoming rather annoying and she would have to get back into her meditation schedule to fix those quirks. Her mental state had suffered under the overwhelming stress. If she'd stuck to her routine it would not be an issue. She focused on what her brother said. Goals were something Gwen demanded of “herself”. She set her mind to tasks she wanted to master and met each of those goals with fierce unwaivering determination that led to her far exceeding them. She'd only failed to achieve one of the goals she set for herself. And that was to crack the armor that her brothers had around them. She just wanted to be let in. She was tired of pretending everything was normal. She'd had limited success with Leonardo. Most of it within the last few days. Her opening, it seemed, had closed.

Gwendolyn's eyes burned with desire to well with tears when her brother asked his next question. She fought them back with a silent vow that she would not embarrass herself yet again. She was already a disappointment. She would not add to it by showing further weakness. She succeeded with the tears, but could not suppress the growl of outrage that escaped her. She turned to face him. She pushed herself up to her knees and put her outstretched hands on either side of him as she stood to lean over him. She stared into his brown orbs with her own. Her forehead creased, her eyes squinting.

“Is that what you think, Leonardo Kevin Mattias? That I am not proud of who I am and have not done everything that has been asked of me?”. She demanded, her voice braking against her wishes. She used his full name as her father would have done to show that he'd stepped over the line with her. Something she'd never done before. “That I want to run away or destroy our family?” She stated, her eyes boring into his. “Really?” She asked, her stare intense. "Can you not see what you are doing, Brother? Don't you realize....” She stopped. No. He didn't realize what he was doing, How could he?. She came to the realization herself just then that She'd been analyzing him herself subconsciously for weeks trying to figure him out. Trying to understand why he'd distanced himself from the family. From her. Now she thinks she figured it out. He'd programed himself to think that way. To him it was normal. To see conspiracy and lies everywhere. To analyze people like she does herself, but then going on re-analyze again and again trying to find an ulterior motive. He was better at it than anyone else, except maybe her father. But it had gotten out of hand. He now treated family, or at least her, as he would a stranger or client. He didn't know how to turn it off. That was the fear she had for herself. To become slave to the programing.

Somehow she'd managed to put it all together from his actions and reactions to her. She fond a pattern to his body language and expressions. Gwendolyn knew all along, yet didn't realize it till now. Its why she fought so hard to assure herself that she was in control. Why she tried so hard to get into his shell. She was protecting herself from what he'd become, and was trying to help him at the same time. >What a tangled web we've weaved, Leon< She thought to herself.

Gwen's features softened. Her expression briefly turning to pity before smoothing to concern.

“Oh, Leon....” she said in a soft voice. >You're lost and don't even know it.< She finished in thought. But how could she help him without putting him on the defensive, or worse, on the offensive. What was she to do? Gwendolyn put her head down and sighed. She wanted to just sit in his lap and somehow figure out all the right words to say, but she wasn't her brother. That skill came with time and practice and she had many more years of training to go. Instead she turned around and sat back on the floor between his kneed with her back to the recliner and sorta slumped.

“All I've ever wanted was for you to be proud of me. You used to smile. I mean, “really” smile at me when I did something that pleased you. You don't do that any more and you haven't for years. There's still stuff I haven't been able to put my finger on, like why mother hates me and why our brothers keep their distance, but you were different. You were like Daddy for a while. You smiled and you laughed and you... liked me.” She said, speaking with her heart. “then one day I realized that you'd changed. You stopped smiling. You looked put out when I tried to play with you. You started to do what Mikei and Raph did, and I thought maybe I was disappointing you somehow.” She paused for a moment. “I thought that if I worked harder I would gain your favor again. I tried to follow in your footsteps, Leon. I worked hard and even managed to surpass you, in studies, anyway. I mean, look at me. Twelve years old and about to start High School. Not even you skipped so many grades. But still you distanced yourself.”

“I haven't been trying to run away from being a Mattias, Leon. I've been trying to keep from loosing who I am. I mean, look at us.... We're werewolves for christ sake, but we do everything we can to deny our heritage. I know father wants us to be as human as possible, but to deny what we are?... Its wrong, Leo. And suppressing who we are is causing side-effects. Its supposed to be family before all else, but this?.... I'm so scared. I don't want to loose myself. >like you have< she finished in thought unable to say the words. >How do I make you understand?< “I mean, think about it. Before the restaurant I was walking fifty feet behind you like a servant. I couldn't talk to you. I was limited to just the few words to let you know I needed of something, and then you just tell the staff to appease me and continue on your way. Is that what a family is supposed to interact? And then that vampire tried to kill us. And things changed. And we started to talk. I mean, “really” talk. And now its going back to the way it was before. Can't you see something is seriously wrong?” She said and then leaned forward and rested her head on her hands.

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

The rumble from Gwen's throat hit Leonardo's ears, and he couldn't help but frown in dissatisfaction. He was far more critical with her at the moment and knew it, though. What was she growling about? Was she insulted by his words or angry that he had confirmed her actions? Or was it both? Brown eyes settled downwards and focused on Gwendolyn as she made her way up to her knees and then made a gesture of her hands before standing up fully. A blink of confusion and a deeper frown flashed on Leonardo's face.

Leo's muscles went rigid as his full name was stated. His full name was rarely stated. Despite the fact that 'Kevin' meant 'handsome' far from any sort of demeaning name in the least, hearing his full name was enough to make Leonardo cringe. Father was the only one who spoke his full name- and only when angry or in a challenging manner. Hearing Gwendolyn speak it was enough to render the same effect for a moment before his lips pressed together and Leon's eyes flashed with challenge back at her. How dare she use that name. Though it was intended to make Leon stand back in line, to be challenged in that way by a younger half-sibling flared up anger. He was the first born- and a legitimate born- and would be head of the family someday, and Gwendolyn was all but challenging that using his name in such a way. Little did Leonardo realize just how detrimental it was to mentally retaliate with such demeaning words to Gwen. If he had spoken them out loud in that moment as his heart seemed to be screaming to, it could have caused more damage then and there. Thankfully he held his lips shut even if his eyes reflected a vague notion to what he was thinking.

Despite his anger, Leonardo listened to her words- as a Mattias should be expected to. It was in those few sentences after that he understood it was her retaliation against his own words, and Leon calmed a little more. It was just retaliation, and if one kept his head, he could rebuttal back. This logic cooled what emotion had threatened to spill out in the moments after Gwendolyn had spoken, and later he would reflect on keeping such things in line while speaking. It did no good as a Mattias to show such emotions! All must be taken with a calm air and the correct reply. Leon was about to reply in the window of opportunity that came with a brief silence as Gwen's voice broke. However, he found himself unable to, and before he realized it, she had continued. She challenged his words, and he fought back the retaliation that came with them. They were what he had gathered damn it! Maybe he had been analyzing too hard on the subject, but in that moment what was he supposed to do? He was a Mattias. That was what a Mattias was supposed to do- question everything, understand everything, ask what was absolutely necessary and confirm results! Leon's lip twitched.

The question that hit the air caused Leon to freeze for a moment, and confusion spilled out onto his face momentarily as he tried to understand what she meant. It didn't help that she had cut off leaving him with only a vague notion that he didn't see something. Brown eyes flicked around the room briefly as if this would somehow help him 'see' whatever it was that she was implying, yet he didn't. As his eyes refocused, Leon was caught off guard by Gwen's change of expression. Just as if he had been staring down his father before, Leonardo now found himself staring at his mother for only a momentary period before he blinked. The simple words that followed- that small phrase of 'oh, Leon' was enough to draw more confusion to the man. What... what exactly had happened? Leonardo fought back a scowl as he tried to understand, yet his thoughts continuously hit a brick wall leading to less understanding each round. He found himself chewing the interior of his mouth briefly before Gwen moved off and sat down on the floor causing him to look down to her thereafter.

He still didn't understand what had happened, and that unnerved him the most. Somewhere in the course of those few seconds that had turned into minutes, his shoulder had started to twitch as muscles that had been clenched were now trying to release themselves again. It had only diminished effects and served to make him twitch briefly as a result. As she began to speak, Leon listened, and with every word, Leon was aware of his heart rate going up. A measure of the past, an expanse of time 'before' came to mind, and the things he had once liked came to mind. All too quickly those things were kicked away again. He was a mature Mattias, and those were immature things. He didn't need them any longer, and they weren't what mattered. A pang of his heart made Leon scowl briefly before his features returned to plasticity. As if on some notorious cue, Gwen's story hit a turning point. He had changed. He had stopped smiling. No that wasn't right... He did still smile. Those lips did curve upwards here and there in various ways. And that's where you're wrong...a pang of doubt, and Leon found himself disoriented briefly. She'd followed after him... surpassed him even academically. The statistics rang in his ears briefly, and Leo frowned.

But I was following in Father's footsteps.... Leonardo fought back a growl of his own, and instead it ruptured into a sharp cough that caused him to flinch inside. Father was the best. Father knew everything. Father was the man to be. Something strangled Leo in that moment. As if an invisible hand had coiled its fingers around his throat, his breath caught. A feeling he had put off and accepted long ago reverberated in him, and he wondered then how he hadn't realized it before. He felt drained. Not just physically but mentally. It was not just exhaustive but expansive- as if all of his essence had been soaked up and taken away, and suddenly there was nothing left. He was suddenly shipwrecked on an island of unknown origin and that lacked hospitality. Something clenched in Leon's veins, and he buried the feeling as quickly as possible. Leon shivered.

Gwendolyn had continued, and Leonardo had lost the first half of her words. She had been trying to keep herself from losing who she was? Flipping the words around in his mind, Leon tried to understand but found his mind suddenly clouded with various other things. He was reminded again that he had to call John about the business meeting, and he needed to make plans to head to Italy soon. There was work to be done there administratively, and he was the man for the job. Anything to fill the void suddenly snuggling close in his chest. Anything at all. "Do not use the Lord's name in such a way," he snapped out rather quickly -a response not of his own but a reflection of what their father often balked at. Upon realizing it had escaped from his tongue, Leonardo paled. He suddenly felt sick though why Leonardo had no idea. Side effects? Brown eyes blinked, and Leonardo was aware again that he had missed something in his quick interjection. She went on to talk about that day, and suddenly his shoulder was aching again. Reaching up with his free hand, Leonardo set a few fingers there pressing in past shirt and more onto skin. An imaginary bullet was worming its way through him.

Brown eyes shut themselves, and ears did their best to try and focus on something other than the residual pain coursing through. He focused on her words. The question thereafter sparked a sharp breath though Leon would swear thereafter it was from his shoulder. "I have work, and it makes me busy, Gwen..." he replied after a moment- a lame excuse for everything that she had just spilled out before that. However, it was the only defense he could come up with then and there. His heart ached, and he felt suddenly ill. His voice was a testament to that. Something in him... was broken.

"I am starting to not feel well ..." he murmured after a moment. That was the understatement of the year.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

Somehow, probably because of her anger, Gwendoyn had managed to ignore her brother's initial reactions to her words. The way his body stiffened would have stopped her cold otherwise. The flash of warning from his eyes would have had her apologizing for her lack or protocol and respect. His lips pressing together would have made her look away, knowing she'd displeased him somehow. And finally that look of confusion on his face when she'd come to her conclusion and expressed her pity. She knew she'd hit he right cord and was glad she turned away and sat before she poured her heart out to him.

Gwen had tuned him out by then, not wanting to know or hear what he was thinking or saying while she spoke. She knew that if she looked at him she wouldn't be able to speak her mind. Even his sharp retort to her using the lords name in vein barely registered with her while she continued trying to get him to understand what he was doing. His sharp breath did catch her attention for some reason. Perhaps she thought he would agree with her, and so she did hear his words about having work and being busy. Gwen's heart broke as she realized she'd failed. She'd poured it all out to try to reach him but she wasn't good enough. Her words were probably just flying over his head and not being understood at all. She was still to young and immature to use words correctly. To say the right things and get the desired results. She had such a long way to go before she mastered her father's lessons and could rise to her brother's level.

Gwen's head lowered making her hair drape over her face. She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them with her arms. She let go of her controls and let the tears flow with a silent sob. The only outward evidence was a shutter of her shoulders and the catching of her breath. She could almost hear her brother chastising her for her weakness and un-Mattias like behavior. She wiped at the tears willing them to stop. Her nose began to run and she inwardly cursed herself. If he hadn't already noticed, he would once she sniffled or blew her nose. >What's the use? Like I can hide red puffy eyes< She scolded herself starting to feel truly miserable.

Then something miraculous happened. Leonardo implied he was not feeling well, and it wasn't just what he said, but how he said it. She'd failed, yes, but it was not a total defeat. He'd reacted. He felt ill because something she'd said “did” crack the armor. Did make it past his defenses and to the man within. Tears unseen by Leo escaped her again, but this time they were happy ones. There was a sliver of hope and she latched on to that with her whole being. Her shoulders trembled slightly before she took back control and stopped herself again. Gwendolyn wiped at her tears and eyes and slowly stood with her back still to him. She dared to hope that she'd left a trail of bread crumbs for him to work his way back to his former self.

She turned around and hugged Leonardo firmly but briefly. If only he would resolve to follow that trail. >I won't give up on you Leon. I can't give up on you.< She promised herself. She picked up her head and sighed as she steadied herself in case she needed to speak. She'd have to think of some way to help him. But for now her brother needed her. Gwen became conscious of the fact that there were no maids or any other staff to tend to him. At the mention of not feeling well, they would have flocked over to cater to him. Her brother needed her now. And she needed time to think of what she would say. “Yes, of course, Le'. Would some tea or coffee help?” She asked while managing a half smile, ending her hug and straightening and taking a step towards his kitchen. Now that she thought back she hadn't had breakfast and left home before lunch. What if Leon fared the same? Lycan's needed allot of sustenance due to their hyper metabolism. “Or maybe something to eat? I'm famished”

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

How ironic it was that the word that fit Leonardo so well in that moment was 'broken'. Like those minutes after he had been shot and the pain and anxiety had finally registered, Leonardo felt broken again worse now for reasons he didn't understand. It was not just an external hurt that was threatening to take off his shoulder but an internal doubt that was shredding what there was of his mind. He was a Mattias- Leonardo Kevin Mattias future head of the small but powerful family of gunsmen. He was a man who could have anything he wanted without question ore recourse, and he was the judge of not just those in the family but outside of it. The only higher than him would be Mitchel Mattias himself. When it came down to it, not even Nadia had standing over Leonardo. He knew that well. Then why did he fell so empty?

He was aware of Gwendolyn's crying. His sensitive ears could pick up on that all too well, and though a part of himself wished to address the matter, more of Leonardo was trying desperately to hold himself together. He should have done something- should have told her to stop or said pretty words like a Mattias was supposed to, like he was supposed to. However, he couldn't. Leonardo couldn't in that moment, and this only upped his anxiety in that moment. His stomach twitched, and he was aware of a steady pounding in his head. He hated this feeling. He wanted it to go away! Get out! Hah, as if he could tell an emptiness to get out without filling it with something. Some part of himself reached for the Mattias part- the expected part, but it retracted, and a austere feeling of abandonment rushed into Leon. No. He did everything that was asked! Hid nothing from Mitchel! He changed every part of himself to bring that residual smile to that man's face and----

And suddenly another crippling doubt clenched inside of Leon. What if that smile... what if Father's smile was fake? What if it was just an approving gesture like he himself used. No. No. No. He refused it. He refused to believe it was just a Mattias gesture. He refused to believe that it was simply something like he did. However, he followed in Father's footsteps. He copied every trick and knew every part and piece. It only made sense that was the case as well, yet... Then what was all this for? What was being perfect for? What was the name besides a name? Why did he have to struggle so bad for something fake? If that was the case, why ... No. He wouldn't deal with that now. He wouldn't think of these things. He wouldn't address them and cause problems. That was the Matt--- Leon shivered, and all thoughts ceased.

The sudden hug was enough to cut into the silence of Leonardo's thoughts, and he blinked briefly looking down to find her there. Gwen... was the single simple thought that went through Leonardo's mind. Again her words came back to him, and he flinched briefly unable to deal with them now. He wouldn't, he couldn't just yet... At the question, Leonardo looked back down to her and then up again as she moved. For a few seconds, Leonardo didn't know what he wanted. Instead, he just ended up staring out into space briefly. However, after that, he looked sideways towards as she already made her way to the kitchen. "You will have to see what is in the kitchen... I'm... unsure..." he replied briefly tripping over a conjugated word before mentally kicking himself for it only to stop and think again as the realization that it was just another reflection of his father then and there.

Something squirmed in Leonardo again, and he found himself wishing he could just curl up into a ball and disappear. "Coffee sounds good though," he stated after a moment as the thought of food in his stomach sounded unappealing then and there. When had it begun? When did this feeling of emptiness really start? Despite himself, Leonardo was left to wonder. Was it just from Gwendolyn's words then and there? Or had she just been a snap in an already cracked window pane? Leonardo felt sick.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

Gwendolyn slowed on her way to the kitchen after hearing her brother's words. His speech was always perfect. He always knew what to say and how to say it. His words always flowed like honey from a honey wand and Smooth as velvet. To hear him stumble, and not for the first time this day, twisted something inside of her. >”I am starting not to feel well”< echoed in her mind. She had not thought of what would happen in Leon's mind if he started to consider her argument. She dared to speculate on what would be going through his mind at the moment, imagining turmoil and confusion. She just made the counter when her legs threatened to give out. She reached out to steady herself, yet still moving forward, refusing to make it obvious. She was hurting him. This isn't what she wanted, but was there any other way?

Gwen wanted to apologize but couldn't get the words to vocalize. She swallowed the lump in her throat, now starting to feel a bit ill herself. She resolved herself that there was nothing to do at the moment but give him time. He would need to muck things out for himself for bit. She was confident that there would be some sort of sign from him of when he was ready to continue the “talk” with her. She would wait for this. There was no need to push. It could do more harm than good and could backfire all together. She thought about what to do or say as she rummaged in the cupboards for coffee. Amongst a dozen other brands, She found a bag of gourmet beans from a well known grower (if you're rich that is, It was a “privileged” fame and the beans were too expensive for the masses.

She knew the beans well. Her father used them exclusively and her grandmother had all but perfected the correct way to process and brew them. It was one of her most well kept secrets, and Gwen remembered by only seeing it done once when she was much younger. She ignored the electric grinder on the highly polished marble and pulled out a mortar and pestle and some other special and extremely rare ingredients. (NOTICE: Mattias family secret recipe is the sole property of the Mattias family and will not be disclosed in this post) She worked her magic and managed to find her smile as she worked. She so loved the kitchen. It was her grandmother always used to say:

>“The kitchen is the heart of the family. Its there that memories are baked. love is brewed, and togetherness simmers to perfection. Its where the soul finds the perfect combination of just the right ingredients and the resulting masterpieces are etched into our minds forever. Some schmuck somewhere ruined the whole process by calling them family recipes. But so be it. And when the time comes, my little Gwendolyn. You shall inherit all that is a Matias, and surpass that by inheriting all that is ”<
She recited, hearing her grandmothers voice as if she was standing right behind her helping Gwen with the correct way to measure out without using cups or spoons or any of that “nonsense” as her grandmother called them. The ending was the perfectly brewed cup of joe that only the highest of important guests were served exclusively at the Mattias Mansion. Only mother and herself knew the ways of grandmother. She didn't even know her name. She's was always just “Grandmother” or as Gwen would call her “Nana” in her younger years.

Gwendolyn poured them both a cup of the dark fragrant brew. The coffee was creamy, yet contained to creamers be they dairy or non. It was perfectly sweetened, yet had no sugar or substitutes there of. Those who did not know the secret of its making would be forever baffled. She sipped hers to taste, since a good cook never served anything to anyone without first tasting for him\her self. She could only smile, her troubles and worries gone for the moment. She picked up both the cups in saucers and carefully made her way back to where her brother still sat.

“Nana's special” She said proudly. “Guaranteed to chase away all that ails you.” she said, repeating Grandmother's words. Gwen held out his cup, still smiling, even though Leon himself looked awful. >please work< she thought in a silent wish.

[Leonardo K. Mattias]

As Gwendolyn worked in the kitchen, Leonardo worked on his mind. Like a meticulous craftsman trying to understand the details of a machine wreck he had not even witnessed, the still crafty eldest brother of the Mattias clan began to force himself to toss away unnecessary parts and build up what he could. In that moment, there was little to discard namely because there was now a gaping hole in his psyche, but to the man whose skepticism foxed out reality, Leo sifted through the details of himself in that moment. He was Leonardo Mattias first and foremost. He was the eldest child of Mitchel and Nadia and and the older brother of three younger siblings. He was a man who had graduated college and now worked for the family company. These were things that he knew for certain.

He did not know for certain his father's opinion of him. This was discarded. He did not know for certain that his efforts were in vain. This was discarded. Yes, slowly like this Leonardo drew himself back together as best he could. Whether he acknowledged it or not, he was a Mattias and had the requirement to be at the very least decent and presentable to anyone who happened to speak to him. Even if these were ... Mitchel's words and not his own, Leon would keep them for now. They were the tendrils of uncertainty that he clung to heavily to keep himself sane. He was Leonardo Mattias.

Yes, in those minutes away from Gwendolyn, Leonardo rebuilt what he could. However, somewhere in the back of his mind, Gwendolyn's words nestled like a serpent waiting for the wrong step to shoot from the shadows and bite again. He could hide it for now. He could run from it for now. He could act as though he was fine for now. However, that predator to his mind remained there waiting ever waiting. Little did Leon realize even where it was at, even as he fended it off, its venom was still slowly seeping into his veins. He wouldn't know till later that these unanswered questions would begin to haunt his dreams and maybe even cause him to lose more control as a werewolf if possible. No, Leonardo knew none of these things then and there. Instead, he clung to normalcy as much as he could. If he ever realized what he was actually doing, he might have understood more deeply why Mitchel enjoyed the status quo. There were some things that were better preserved.

Brown eyes blinked having been all but glazed over these last few minutes or so. The sounds of Gwendolyn in the kitchen and the smell of something in the air alerted Leonardo to the fact that she was still doing something in there. How long he had zoned out like that, Leo knew not. However, he became fully aware of his surroundings again and the preserved headache that was fuming the back of his skull. He still felt sick. Leaning his bead back farther into the plush of the chair if that was even possible, Leon shut his eyes for a little longer before Gwen's feet caught his ears and he opened his eyes again. At the words Leon couldn't help but manage a brief smile. Their grandmother's words. Just as he knew their father's, Leon could recognize their Grandmother's. Looking at her for a few seconds, Leon gave a nod and found himself reaching forwards to take the cup in question. Pressing it to his lips, he took a soft sip. Despite himself again Leonardo found his lip twitching into a smile of sorts. For a brief moment, it truly did feel like nothing was wrong. It was more than a nice feeling in that moment.

"Grandmother certainly knows how to do things right," he mused a little smiling at his cup for a moment as his brown eyes glazed over the liquid surface. Suddenly Leon blinked looking up as his eyes refocused on the cup Gwendolyn had. It was... coffee as well. He could tell that in an instant. Since when had she started to drink coffee? It would stunt her growth! Leonardo's eyebrows furrowed for a moment. "When did you start drinking coffee?" he frowned a little. Yes it was somewhat of a trivial topic, but somehow it felt alright in that moment.

[Gwendolyn D. Mattias]

Her brother smiled, even though it was just his usual “amused” smile, it meant that the worst was over for now, and Gwendolyn mentally breathed a sigh of relief. “Rachel Ray's got nothing on Nana” She chimed in after his comment about grandmother. Leonardo sounded like himself. The uncertainty was gone from his voice and the glazed look she'd mistaken for him not looking well, was gone. Now he just looked tired, reminding her how truly tired she was herself. But Gwen was young, and lack of sleep wouldn't leave the tell-tale signs on her as it did on adults.

As if he'd read her mind, he suddenly asked about her new habit of drinking coffee. Gwen's smile faded. She could lie. But what was the use? Besides, She'd never lied to him before. It was unthinkable. Well... no, cause she'd just thought it. But it just wasn't done. He'd find out soon enough anyway. One of mother's maids had already caught her in the kitchen once brewing coffee at the un-godliest hour of the night. Odds were against her and she would be caught again soon, and the maid would no doubt tell her mother, which in turn would tell her father, and Leon was always Mitchel's next call to be made aware of anything concerning family.

Gwen brought the cup back up to her lips and sipped again, wishing it was not so hot so she could just gulp it down before he made her get rid of it. She looked down at the contents of her cup and then shifted her eyes to his. “Since the day after” She said, knowing he would know what she meant. “I have not slept more than a few hours since that day in your room” She confessed. Whether it was exhaustion or just feeling safe while with him, she couldn't discern without trying to sleep in the same room as him again.

“When I close my eyes...” >I see him.< She said finishing in thought as she looked away briefly. >The flash and thunder< She said in thought unable to say the words. >And I can smell the burned powder. And then...< Her eyes darted to his shoulder and she stared, her eyes loosing focus as she remembered the bullet hitting him. She flinched at the explosion of blood as the silver hollow point round expanded and logged there. The blood splattering her. She blinked, glad she'd not teared up as she usually did when she remembered.
“But its getting better. I can sleep a little longer each night.” She said, not certain herself if it was really true.